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Thursday, April 5, 2012

The Miracles

The Introduction, the Accident, and the Saving Grace.

                      I hope god rocks your freaking world you guys!! Since I started living for him he’s made so many mad crazy things go down in my life!!!!! Haha seriously since my accident on March 22, 2011 he has been revolutionizing the world as I know it. That accident in all honesty was the worst thing that has ever happened to me throughout my entire life. It was unfathomable, the pain incomprehensible, treachery unexplainable, there are honestly no words that can grasp the dire destitute of my heart, my soul, and my life in that seemingly interminable moment of sheer unending suffering. Not many have encountered the horrifying experience of staring death in the face for hours, but I’m sure those few who have can relate to me on this. Regretfully conscious, and the sole longing of my heart, a ratifying wish taunting me to desire the unthinkable, to acclaim to the relentless perfidious thoughts “if only reality would fade, if only I could leave this place to suffer no more, I cannot handle this, I want to . . . . . , but this couldn’t be real, I couldn’t ever really want that, could I?” The reality of my waking thoughts told me otherwise, the persistent thought of death echoing inadmissibly through the sustenance I once would have readily claimed as my own, left me with an undesired longing to aspire to the unthinkable, to that which I had always feared.

                     Life as I knew it had been entirely dismantled leaving me with nothing but a provocative illusion daunting me toward the only escape that seemed to be present, the acceptance of demise, the one thing I feared most. As if controlled by a mind not my own, my thoughts in sporadic resolution would sometimes lean graciously in my favor in their decision to fade gently from reality, but in stubbornness they refused to ever let go entirely, perhaps in fear that they would never again return? Hopes of revival tirelessly discharged leaving me empty and desolate, with nowhere to turn, with nothing to do, seemingly hopeless, and in need of that which in the moment I knew not how to seek. It felt as if all hell had been released to destroy and demolish the sustenance of which earlier in that day I would have readily claimed as own, but now I would have given anything to desert this suffering, to be freed from this captivity. I came to the realization that the subsistence of my life no longer seemed to be in my own hands. Which naturally made me question whether or not it had ever been in my own hands?  With death being the only plausible essence lingering in the vicinity I screamed bloody murder, never in my life have I bawled as I did on that day, never have I been so afraid as I was in those incessant moments during that short time frame, which seemed to me an everlasting eternity.

                 With my gaze in an unshakable trance fixated on the leg which should have been connected to my body and with my hands direly holding the shattered spears of bone together, pleading in hopeless desperation for some sort of relief, for any sort of relief; I was paralyzed. The mere flesh of my body was the only thing that was connecting my leg with the rest of my body, everything else displaced, the bone dislodged and threatening to protrude through that solitary and infinitesimal layer of flesh that was struggling with such prodigious effort to keep at least one portion of my body in it’s original and agglutinated state. In solitude destitute I recollected on my most meaningful past and that’s when it hit me that death was not the only escape, that there was one far greater, one in which there was hope not only to subsist, but to persevere. It was a dangerous battle to surmount my entrancement, but a stern bellow mounted with thunderous compassion compelled me to acknowledge that I mustn’t give up, that I’ve got to hang on; my sisters words being “Mike chill out dude, you’ve got to calm down!!” The absolute only means which would be capable of enabling me to confide in such a statement as this would have to be a means of which were not my own, for my hopes had been swallowed up with the reality that I had so precipitously been severed from. My unquenchable desire for relief was the only spark of essence within me that could have remotely resembled a life force willing to endure what it would take to subsist; that is of course if survival was even possible? I was not equipped to handle such trauma, . none of us are. But I knew that I didn’t have to handle it on my own; and that, my friends, is the sole reason as to why I live to share this story.

The 1st Miracle

In my singular weakest moment, the moment I was told that no help would be able to come to my aid, due to the fact that I was in the backcountry in an illegal out of bounds area; my desolation multiplied, but a fierce inclination motivated me and enabled my gaze a fixation upon the heavens. I prayed with all that was in me “God I need your help, . I know that if I am meant to make it through this, then you will carry me through this, and if not, then thank you for everything you’ve ever given me, because it’s been wonderful.” These words were necessary because In all honesty with the pain I was enduring I was almost expectant that they would be my last. This turn to the heavens brought forth 3 miracles and I for fact that without each of which I would no longer be alive. God had grandeur mercy and my gratitude cannot be expressed. This first dire request for help, seemed pointless considering I was just told that it was not going to come, . But to God there are no limits, and he thoroughly proved that to me. Within 30 seconds, maybe 1 minute of this prayer for help, 2 ski patrol became visible in the near distance. My sister screamed for them and because they had seen us and heard her it now was their obligation to help. The most profound thing about this occurrence is the fact that the only reason the ski patrol were in the back country is because they were on their break and they were out there to have fun, and it just so happened that God sent them exactly where I was at, exactly when I needed them most, and precisely after I had prayed for their help.

The 2nd Miracle

They came up to me and began poking and prodding me in order to assess what was wrong. They determined that I had broken my femur and they declared it essential that they cut my pants off. In doing so they revealed the true painstaking agony and brutality of the accident, upon cutting my pants off we were all shocked to see that the only thing keeping my leg connected with the rest of my body was my skin, solely my flesh, it seems that when the bone shattered it was cut diagonally into the shape of two spears, before I knew the severity of the accident I tried to stand up, when I did this the pressure of my weight caused these two spears of bone to collided and continue further in fierce force shredding the inside of my leg: the tendons, the muscles, the ligaments, the bone, everything in their was shredded, torn up, and out of place. When the ski patrol saw my leg they said in a tone of which I dare not think to reconcile, “okay mike, there are two main arteries in your leg that go past your femur, and if either of those are cut in anyway whatsoever than you will bleed to death within the next 5 to 10 minutes.” That just about did it for me, I have never been so sure of my own death than in that moment. The second miracle baffles me in every way imaginable, the femur is the strongest bone in the body, the hardest bone to break, and the number one most painful bone break known to mankind. The femur takes 1800-2000 pounds of pressure per square inch to break, let alone shatter, whereas an artery on the other hand takes only a couple pounds to be cut. So over 2000 pounds of pressure dominated and thrashed the entire interior contents of my leg, excluding those two arteries. Everything in my leg was shredded, except somehow those two arteries were kept safe. If that isn’t a miracle then I don’t know what is. Seriously I should have died, with that much pressure pulverizing my leg the way it dead, I should have been allotted the 5 minutes those ski patrol said I had and that’s it. But God had mercy, I don’t know why, but he did. He protected those arteries, and theres no other explanation, someone must have been holding those safe, protecting when this happened, because if they weren’t, if God wasn’t, then those arteries would have been shredded along with everything else in my leg: the bone, the tendons, the muscles, the ligaments.

The 3rd Miracle

The third miracle came repetitively, ceaselessly for it was the life poured from God and placed within me, the only thing that enabled endurance, willingness, and capability when I had none. The gift essentially necessary for me to strive through this mess, the gift that made me capable of being content with surviving through the treacherous suffering that relentlessly haunted me. The fact that I was stuck in the cold for hours, sitting in feet of snow with no pants on made it so I could not help but shiver. The fact that the muscle within my leg had shredded made it so my leg could not help but spasm in sporadic fits of rage. Wishes of being freed from these spasms are what brought forth the desire to die. I could not handle it, I did not want to bear it, I could not think to deal with it any longer. Even the original pain was the worst pain that I have ever felt. (and in all honesty I am a rather accident prone person. In fact I once broke my foot after hitting single and running to first base. After the initial impact I knew that I had hurt my foot bad, but I knew that It was more essential for me to stay on base and be the winning run for the team. Coach gave me the steal signal right after, and I made a break for it. I started off sprinting full speed, but with each step the bone broke more and more, and I readily slowed. The catcher threw the ball to second base and I slid under the tag, the umpire yelled SAFE, but by that point there was no hope for me to stay on base, I called a timeout and declared my foot was broken. Even this injury after I had worsened the break was a mere 4 on the pain scale.) My femur on a pain scale of 1 to 10 however, was a 10, and if it could be graded as any worse than that, then it would have been. This break was beyond the concept of pain, this accident made pain seem miniscule and laughable. Pain would have felt good  in comparison to what I was feeling. It was so far beyond our concept of pain, that there is honestly no way to explain the suffering that had consumed me. It was entirely and unbelievably incomprehensible, a destruction of which I would wish upon no other. The worst part about it all was the fact that whenever my muscle spasmed or whenever I shivered from the cold, it caused those two spears of bone to grind against each other, which caused a surge of pain 20 times worse than the original pain; the original pain which was so fierce and intolerable that I actually wished that I could die, so that I didn’t have to suffer through it. I cannot explain this pain, so I’m not even going to attempt to, but I hands down, flat out, could not handle it. All I could do was pray, it’s what kept me alive. All I could say, all I could murmur, all that I couldn’t help but repeat were these words “Jesus, I know that you promised me your strength, and I need it now more than I ever have.” It was the most unbelievable thing in the world; every time I said Jesus name, he lifted that pain off me. I don’t know how, or why, but I know that he did, and I know that without that blessing I would not have been content to live through this mess.

God not only saved my life, but he revolutionized the whole concept of life as I knew it.

This accident ruined life as I knew it. I had to quit my 3 jobs, I had to move out of my apartment and back in with my parents, I was hospitalized and deemed unable to walk for 3-10 months and after that initial time period it was deemed necessary that I have physical therapy for 1-3 years before I could walk without a limp again. It ruined all of the plans and the job I had set up for the summer, and it redundantly and extensively altered the extensity of my entire future, I was forced to sit in a bed motionless all summer, I was degraded to the basis of a boy in potty training by my parents (considering I wasn’t able to leave my bed),  and I missed weeks of school due to hospitalization and unconsciousness. By the time that I had regained slight capability to attempt to function and comprehend anything other then the repetitious pain I was indubitedly destined to be failed from the courses of which I had spent the last 4 months of my life working rigorously toward completing. I had been working so unbelievably hard, trying with all the effort I had within to become something great, to use my potential, to prove that I had grown up. I had 3 jobs, working them in drastic attempts to try to compensate my parents for all the money they were paying toward my schooling and for all that I had put them through in the past. Then this accident happenened and it was quite clear that I had lost it all and that my efforts were for nothing, that I was doomed to fail the classes I had given up so much for.  But God kept gifting me verses, day after day, every day, something to build my hopes up, something to give me hopes to build up. When I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed with my pathetic and hard circumstances God showed me through his actions that “My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.” 2Corinthians 12:8  And in all honesty, all I had to do was look back at the accident to see the truth of this promise, the factual, tangible, graspable reality of the closeness of this promise to my heart. I know for fact that I would not be alive to write this if it weren’t for God’s loving grace.”

And because of that, even though I lost all that there was to lose, I couldn’t give up hope; I couldn’t just let it all go, just like I couldn’t before, during the accident. Likewise I knew that God would get me through it, just like he had done during the accident. I had no reason not to believe that, and it was the only hope I had. My life was so demolished that there was absolutely no hope for me to rebuild it. So I left it up to God, and in so doing I decided to let God. That one sole decision, was the best decision of my life. In making it, I decided to let God change the world as I knew it, and because of that, he decided to change this mess, the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, this utter catastrophe; into a multitude of the best experiences I have ever had in my entire life and into some of the most meaningful things that have ever happened to me. And I know God can and will do that for all of us, at all points in time, no matter how huge or how miniscule our problems are, he is here to bear them with us. We never have to be on our own, we’ve got so much more than all of the help that we could ever ask for, so many more blessings than we could ever be capable of acknowledging, so much more love than we could ever rightly deserve. (unless of course we choose to be without him. Then we’re basically just screwing ourselves over.)  And God showed me that, not only with the words of his promise or with the comfort that his promises gave; But within the fact that God turned this promise into my reality. “We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us.” Collosians 1: 11-12

Those miracles just keep piling up!! Or maybe it’s just God’s guiding hand at work? In which sense all of our lives are a constant set of miracles.

What he did for my schooling

And boy did he turn that mess into something beautiful. . haha seriously!! So the second I became comprehensive again, I eagerly wrote my teachers hoping that they might possibly be willing to work some sort of compensation out. Hoping mostly just that they would understand what happened and that they therefore wouldn’t fail me for the work that I had missed, and for the fact that I wouldn’t be able to attend class lectures again or class quizzes or class exams because I wouldn’t be able to walk. Surprisingly, rather miraculously they were astonished at my willingness to persevere. Ultimately I ended up having to do about 3 times as much work as I originally would have, and it was a major dilemma for me to do that in addition with trying to catch up with the 2 weeks of work that I missed while hospitalized and incomprehensive. But regardless I was ultimately grateful to be able to have the opportunity to make up work and pass my classes at all! One of my professors mentioned, wow I’m surprised that your actually willing to do all of this make up work, especially after something that tragic; I have had students simply miss a week because of a cold and even they were unable to catch up on the work.

Praise the lord not only for motivating me to persevere, but for opening the opportunity which allowed me to follow through with my classes. The craziest thing happened that semester, for the first time in my life I received a 4.0, straight A’s, the all-around best grade given and I got it in all of my classes. It was mostly just astonishing because of how much work I’d missed, and the fact that throughout all of high school and college I had never been able to get a 4.0, and now that I almost died, and missed all of the professors presentations, and was crammed with 2 weeks of make up work, and put in the position where in order for me to even be able to pass the class I had to read everything that the professors read in order to make their lectures and had to write multiple essays on what I read. Basically I had a multitude of additional work, more difficult circumstances, and the inability to actually learn from the professors. So I was at a major handicapped and somehow I did the best I’ve ever done, It’s definitely a God thing.

How he brought me half way around the world.

                Anyway, so it gets even better; my teachers were so astonished with my perseverance that they wrote me the absolute most incredible letters of recommendation, so good I’m sure that I could have gotten accepted to study abroad anywhere in the world! But I’m also sure that God wanted me here in Finland, and I’m absolutely sure that I probably would not have been accepted into the psychology program here if it weren’t for those astonishing letters of recommendation. (I say that because the behavioral sciences department here only accepts 5% of applicants, which is a rather miniscule amount.) And honestly you guys, God bringing me half way around the world isn’t even the start of it! Before the accident I was planning to have graduated with my University bachelors degree at the age of 20, I had it all planned out and things were going on track with that goal; but God had better plans for me. Due to the fact that I was deemed unable to walk all summer, I had to do something in order to preoccupy myself. I absolutely could not stand the thought of just sitting around and doing nothing and not being prosperous, so I signed up for school online. Going to school throughout the Semester actually put me one half year ahead of schedule. So I was really excited to graduate even earlier than expected, however God had different plans for me. Due to the fact that I had been going to school consecutively for the past two years without any summer break, I was tired of it and that made me determined to make the absolute best out of my 2 week long summer break. (even though I wasn’t even sure If I would even be able to walk during this break.)

The super Natural Healing

But once again God had different plans for me, so he healed me, supernaturally. It was predicted by my orthopedic surgeon that It would take 3-10 months just for my bone to heal, then 1-3 years of physical therapy before I could walk without a limp and that for the rest of my life I would have a titanium rod inside my bone leading from my knee to my hip, with a big bolt drilled diagonally through my femur to my hip, and two screws drilled into my knee. After just two months of nothing but prayer there was miraculous improvement, I was almost capable of putting weight on it, two weeks later I was walking. Now I admit that it was not the most elegant of walks, but boy did it feel good, I cannot explain to you how anxious I was just to be able to stand up again, how drastically I longed just to take a step, how I missed the feeling of freedom, the thought of running enthralled me, oh how badly I wanted it. That first step meant more to me then you’ll ever know, and it was so much more than that in God’s eyes too. At the two and a half month mark I went in to see my orthopedic surgeon Dr. Higgins. He was absolutely in awe of the healing that I had received, he could hardly believe it when I walked across the room. He projected 3 years of physical therapy, but God projected none, I was healed, not 100% completely better, there was still a lot of work to do before I could jog or run, but I was healed and I no physical therapy was necessary.

My future being spelled out by the past

 Due to this this supernatural healing, I was able to go volunteer for one week at a Christian camp. It was so nice to just get a break from my studies, to just get away and go out and do something meaningful, to walk, to have fun. But the most meaningful part of all was the job that God had healed me to do. I was assigned as cabin parent to a group of rebels, Juniors and Seniors in High school, who claimed to be the ‘wolf pack’ there were six of them, and there parents gave me a fair warning that I was going to want to kill myself or them by the end of the week. This opportunity was destiny in the sense that it helped my  figure out what I’m supposed to do with the rest of my life, and why it is that God has so graciously put up with my crap and carried me through so many ridiculous idiotic struggles that I chose to bear. He gave reason to my past , in the sense that he taught me how to use it to better other peoples futures. I knew exactly how to approach this crew, because I knew exactly how I was when was that age, and that knowledge gave me an empathetic approach that could help darkness itself see the light. When I was that age and in my immature rebel phase I knew straight up that if someone told me what to do or how to better my life, I’d tell them to go screw themselves. So I knew that’s what my new friends probably would have said to me, especially considering that my title implied that I was to play the role of the parent all week. Haha so instead I just took the approach of getting to know them, where they were from, why they were here, what they did.

A partial attestation of my testimony.

Then I started to share with them a little bit about me and my past, eventually I got to telling them some of the ridiculous crazy perplexing stories of my past, but I made sure that each story was told in it’s fullest, so that each story had some sort of lesson to learn associated with it. Because that’s the way it works out in real life you mess up or do something rebellious or crazy or ‘cool’ and there’s usually a lot of crap associated with that decision and a lot of hard trials that you’ve gotta deal with because of that decision. In a sense it’s a lifestyle where you foolishly choose to hold yourself back, to create burdens for yourself and suffer dealing with them because you think it’s ‘cool.’  A lot of the time it’s hard to see the picture that clearly though because it’s so easy to get sucked up in it all, to get caught up and to lose the “you” that you know and love, you start to lose touch with who you really are because you start to see things through a veil of deceit, the saddest part about it all is that it happens so gradually that you usually don’t even notice it yourself. For me I thought of myself as the exact same person I’d always been, the awesome kid I’ve always known. I ignored my parents when they consecutively asked what was wrong or if they could do anything or what I was doing to myself and my life, but when finally my very best friend told me “Mike your not the same kid that I used to know, your not my best friend anymore.” I realized that what I had gotten into was way bigger than what I was acknowledging it to be.

Any senseful person can acknowledge that that lifestyle holds them back. The trouble comes in trying to understand what exactly it’s holding them back from, and how much they’re truthfully missing out on, and how much better life is without that lifestyle. For me, I wanted to live life to It’s fullest, and I was thoroughly convinced that that was the way to do it. And even when I started to see that it was holding me back and filling me with selfishness and deceit I didn’t care enough to change because I thought that I was in control, that I had it figured out, and that it was the funnest way to live life. I couldn’t have been more wrong, and I think one small thing that helped me realize that was my friends comment. It sort of slightly helped me to see that in some ways I really had lost myself, It was hard to remember entirely who I even was or what the difference was between then and now or what I had really even lost? Even before this statement though, just watching the way this lifestyle affected my friends and family, the people who cared about me, that was enough to make me know that it couldn’t be whats best if it causes so much bad, if it tears apart your family, makes you take for granted the fact that your parents gave up their happy fun lives so that they could give their every effort toward raising you, and working like slave laborer just to give you all that they can, that it tears them and all their efforts down, that it puts you in a place where you don’t much care about some of your friends, except what they have to offer: more friends, girls, hook ups, parties, you become friends with people only because they’re doing the same drug’s you are or are into the same things you are, and you pretend theirs a friendship there, but really you aren’t helping each other grow, you aren’t building each other up, if anything your promoting each other to tear yourselves down. The saddest thing of all though was that even though I could see these things, I didn’t seem to care that much. I was emotionless, I was hollow, I was a shell of the “me” that I once used to be, a shell of a human being.  

I was fed up with it,  yet even though I knew that, I couldn’t get rid of it. I had given it domain over my life and because of that I had chosen to let it drag me down and the people around me down as well. I hated the way that it was affecting my life and my relationships and how it made me so deceitful, it was holding me back in more ways then I knew and I wasn’t about to let deem myself helpless and let it take advantage of me for the rest of my life. I was blessed, as each of us are, with immeasurable prosperity, and the only thing that keeps us from reaching the extent of that prosperity is our selves. I had kept myself from that for long enough, I was ready to grow up, to figure out who I really am, and how to use the immense gifts I’ve been blessed with. I graduated high school with my 2 year University level associates degree, so basically I graduated high school two years ahead of everyone else, and I was on drugs almost every day. If I could accomplish that much without trying, the I was convinced that my potential was limitless and that if I were to put forth an effort to do anything in the world, that as long as it’s God’s will, then it can be achieved. I was the only thing only thing holding myself back, and one of the main reasons I was doing that is because I was still convinced that I wanted to live life to its fullest, but in breaking free to the point where I could actually give that lifestyle an unbiased overview I decided that it was most definitely not the way to live life to it’s fullest, in fact quite the contrary, in so many ways it prevented me and held me back from living life to it’s fullest. I had to break free from that lifestyle, and that was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I was literally trapped.

My so called ‘friends’ revered me when I admitted that I was done and ready to grow up, to make something out of my life. They were stoked for me and they said they were so proud and jealous. I had to encourage them, I felt like it was my task to help them be freed from the mess too. I told them “seriously you guys, I was your drug dealer, I was in way deeper then you guys’ were so if I can be freed from this than so can you, you just have to try.”  They would applaud me for staying sober for a few weeks or months, and then they would entice me, trick me, by saying “Mike dude we’re so proud of you, you’ve been doing awesome at staying sober man, but it’s gotta be hard to do that, you should come have some fun, come party with us, you don’t have to do anything.” Then I would cave, and it would always lead me to a situation where they would either be dealing and offer me stuff for free, or they would offer to pay for me just as long as I would party with them and have a good night. It was saddening deceitful it all was, I was trying to be the good example and help set an example for my friends, who were just as fed up with the whole scene as I was. I came upon the utterly devastating conclusion that; if they felt like they weren’t capable of helping themselves, then I couldn’t help them either because I couldn’t force them or teach them how to help themselves, when they deemed themselves incapable being helped. I decided also that I couldn’t help them be freed until I freed myself.  The sad ultimatum being that I couldn’t help them, until I helped myself. And in order to do that I had to start fresh. But I was ready, I knew I wanted it, I knew more than anything that I wanted to discover the extent of my potential and I was ready to work toward that. So I moved away for college at the University of Utah, I got three jobs and I started working my butt off. It was hard, I could see myself growing, but it honestly just didn’t seem like it was worth it. I had chosen to spend so much time working and studying that my schedule didn't even allow me time to sleep, let alone have a social life.

It was lonely, and I honestly had a hard time deciding whether it was really worth it or not. It felt nice to be able to accomplish so much, but it was so hard to keep motivated. God was at work though, the first day that I went up to the University, for a party called Crimson Nights, I randomly encountered a radical Christian. I was still sort of maturing out of my rebel phase, so I didn’t pay this guy much attention at first, but he was a really genuine dude. I’d never seen anyone care so much about some random person that they shouldn’t care about at all. Heh it tripped me out, but there was a group of us and we had some really deep conversations, it was really awesome to be able to talk about something meaningful for a change, in comparison of just talking about girls and drugs and sex, we talked about the intriguing mysteries of life and death. We actually ended up talking all night, my friend invited me to this group, just to hang out and meet some friends, but in all honesty I thought it was lame or dorky, so I paid it no attention. Throughout the next couple months at school I sporadically ran into several of my new Christian friends, each of them giving me a warm welcome and inviting me to hang out or come to their group events or bible studies. I blew that off a couple times too, but eventually I decided that my encounters with these few friends were way more than coincidence, seriously we were on a college with over 30,000 people meandering the campus on a day to day basis and none of these individuals had majors even remotely similar to mine. Finally one of my friends talked me into going to a bible study by saying that “there will be girls and food there, come on” haha well I finally went I think a lot of it also had to do with the fact of how busy I was and how I never gave myself time to have a social life or have fun, and I decided that it was way past time to do that although I didn’t think a bible study could possibly be fun, I thought it would be nice just to go out and hang with some new friends, and in all honesty I think that it was all around awesome.

For the first time in my life I started to get to know what it meant to be a real friend, a true friend. That’s exactly what these people were; it blew my mind. Seriously! Just talking in casual conversation I briefly mentioned a vacation I was going on for thanksgiving (which was about a month later) to one of my new friends. One month later, on the dot, she texted me and said “Mike please be careful driving to Washington, there have been blizzards and bad snow storms so the main route might be closed, and it might actually be safer for you to go another way” She looked up road routes and everything just to make sure that we were safe on our travels. It was absolutely crazy! I was shocked that she had even cared to remember, let alone went out of her way to look up safer routes. Anyway the people I began to meet were seriously awesome, I needed good friends I had way too many ‘friends’ that pretended to care and were most often just befriending me out of selfish or deceitful motives, or thinking that because I was a nice person that I would let them take advantage of me. I was fed up with that, and I was stoked on the opportunity to have found some real people, people who actually meant what they said, and said things with meaning. My new friends were pretty adventurous, just after a week or so of knowing them they invited me on this wild road trip through 7 different national parks! It was crazy, I swear we had to have time traveled! But we somehow made it through 7 national parks in 4 days. It was a freaking riot! At first I was kind of weirded out, my friends started sharing their testimony’s, which I had never really seen before, and it was kind of a strange idea, but when I started to listen they really had some pretty profound pasts. One of the dude’s was a rebel similar to me, the other one a supposed ladies man, and the little lady we were with had been on her own in the world since the age of 14. They all had some pretty intense stories and some thoroughly astounding Christ given miracles that changed their worlds and gave meaning to their lives.

              I could see it so clearly, and it was something that I wanted so bad. That trip was filled with so much laughter, we had bible sesh’s we had random group prayers, it was absolutely bizarre to me, but I loved it. I have never seen happiness like that in my entire life. These people were so happy that it was seriously supernatural, like it was thoroughly impossible for a human being to be that happy! But they were, and I knew that God had given them that, and I saw it, and I wanted it more than anything, and the best part about it was that I knew God would give it to me too. I knew that it was for everyone, and that’s the moment where I realized that there is so much more to life then we could ever know; But that if we let him then God will show us. And I was ready see, so I made that step and I started to chase him, and it was hard, and I faced so many challenges and so many questions that brought up so much doubt, but our God is a living God and he showed me that by answering them. The day our road trip ended was the day that the trilogy camp began. This camp is what taught me what it really meant to be a Christian, it helped me to see why I never gave God a real standing chance in my life, and that was because I never knew who God was, I of course had heard bible stories and met religious people, and on occasion actually listened to what they had to say, but I had never in my life decided to start a personal relationship with God himself. I had always ignored him, and I had chosen to turn away from him because of the actions the people made in attempting to represent him. But I have since then learned that absolutely everything God does is extravagant and profound in the sense that it’s so meaningful and revolutionary that it can only draw us closer to him, and if you experience anything that push’s you away, then it’s not something that comes from God, or his teachings.

                I realized that being a Christian doesn’t mean you go to church once a week and act like a good person, it doesn’t mean that you try to fit God into your life. It means that you let God revolutionize life as you know it by stepping into the plan that he’s made for you. I started reading God’s word, to see what the God of the universe had to say about life, to see if I could start to figure out life and the challenges it so spontaneously tends to throw at us. I grew more than I could have ever imagined throughout the next few weeks, but I still didn’t have that insane happiness. But I knew that it was a Godly happiness and that it was something he shared with all of his children, so I was determined to find it. Eventually God showed me that that happiness is found not simply in reading his word, but in basing your life off of that word, in making your life conform to the word of God, you are deciding to allow his Godly love and happiness into your life. Honestly though, it’s something that’s really hard to do, but it’s also the most fulfilling enchanting magnificent feeling in all existence. I for the first time in my life, I felt full, desireless, completely and totally satisfied, wanting absolutely nothing, because all that I had been given was more than enough!  way too much! I never knew that I was empty until I felt what it was like to be full. But when I felt that fulfilling wholeness I realized that all of the girls, all of the drugs, all of the partying, were temporary satisfactions, which helped me to temporarily not have to worry about that longing emptiness within. I was using all of these things and taking advantage of these things, in an attempt to try to fill my soul, fill this whole, this whole which had constant craving, leaving me lusting after so many derogatory repetitive and pointless things that never got me anywhere, that only wasted my money, and wasted my time, and wasted my efforts, and brought other people down and brought myself down. And I was wasting so much time on these pointless things because it had helped me to temporarily ignore that emptiness.

                    But the reality of it all was that once that temporary satisfaction was gone the hole was just bigger and It just left me desiring and craving even more, and I was a thousand times worse off than I was before. I was the one who was making myself so empty, I was choosing for it to be like this, . And the moment I  finally conjured up the strength to change who I was, I realized that life wasn't any better when simply living as a mature individual. But God had shown me that he could make it better and that life didn’t have to be hollow. I had discovered though, that God was the only one who could make it so it wasn't hollow, and the moment I decided to let God filled my heart and my life and my soul and that hole so full that I couldn’t even contain my joy, was when I really knew that living for God was the only way to live my life life to the fullest, because living for God was the only life choice that could make my life full. Seriously that feeling, more euphoric than any drug in existence, but profound in the sense that it brings you closer to God’s love and his teachings so that he can show you how to build others up instead of tears them down, how to find true friends and how to be a true friend, what it really even means to grow into something incredible, how to be the best you can be, how to see and utilize blessings and gifts within you that you never knew could have even existed, how to find the meaning in your relationships with your family and your friends, the meaning which enabls you to build each other up and others up in unity. Ultimately the gift and the power to contribute something beneficial to this world, undeniably the one and only that can penetrate the darkness of this world which is radically demising in selfish deceit. This gift shows you how to find the meaning that you were made to fulfill and how to step into the plan that God made solely for you, and the sole plan of which you were created to fulfill.

                        There is honestly nothing more meaningful in all existence. And I feel like the only reason God put up with me through so much crap is because he wants me to use what I’ve learned to better not only my future, but the futures of those who he puts in my life. He carried me through so much, and tolerated me through so many intolerable times, If he wouldn’t have been watching over me through my ridiculous past, then in all honestly I don’t think I would of made it. I don’t want anyone else in the world to put themselves through the hell that I put myself through, and I know that God fought for me so that I can fight for others. Please, for your own sake, hear me out on this. If your trapped in this kind of lifestyle, or if you don't know God, then I must admit that you may not feel empty or depressed, you may not feel like your missing out on anything; but thats because you've never felt what it's like to be full!!! To be overwhelmed with that incomprehensible meaningful joy and irradiated with the fulfillment of truth itself echoing within you eradicating the ceaseless desires that get you nowhere, the ones that cannot ever make you full, the ones that drain you out and tear you down. I share this only because I love you and I care about you and because you deserve to know that there is more out there for you, that it can always get better, you deserve to know that there is a beauty incomparable who loves you immeasurably. The one who made your heart, and the only one who knows how to fulfill the desires of that heart. Thats my only reasoning, simply to let you know that fulfillment does exist, and it's wonderful, and God is waiting by your side, waiting to give you that gift, the gift of real life, true life, honest fulfillment, waiting for you to let him love you. No matter how many times you reject him or turn him down or despise him, he will always be there for you. All I ask is that you simply Just remember that, that you have someone who treasures you and cherish's you, and who put more effort into you than you could ever know. Someone who will never give up on you.

Back to the future being spelled out by the past

After relating to my rebel pack and just sharing some personal stories they began to see that I really wasn’t there to tell them that they had to change, or that they were wrong, or that that they were bad, but that I was there simply to look out for them like a big brother should. I was there simply to share the endless possibilities and let them know that in order to be cool or have fun, their world doesn’t have to be enclosed to the selfish, miniscule, repetitive actions epitomized by immature teens.  In reality a majority of kid’s go through a brief rebel stage, only some of them however, get stuck in that phase. But for those who do, and for those who think it raises their rep. maybe if you looked around it would help you see that those acts that you consider as rebellious, are actually the norm, they aren’t resisting tradition at all, they are acting just like the rest of the kid’s who think they’re being rebels. But in reality, when looking at the definition of the word a rebel is someone who resists tradition, and if your acting along with the rest of the crowd, all of the ‘cool’ kid’s by partaking in the same derogatory, deceitful, selfish, lustful, acts which they are, then you’re no rebel, your simply rude.  You wanna know what a real rebel is? Someone who stands against the world, someone who acts in ways that the normal people of this world can’t act. That’s what a rebel is, and being a rebel for Christ is one of the most powerful things a person could do. It’s not only a riot, but it’s meaningful.

“"I know that all God's commands are spiritual, but I'm not. Isn't this also your experience?" Yes. I'm full of myself—after all, I've spent a long time in sin's prison. What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary. But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question? The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.” (Romans 7:14-25)

Free or Captive, saved or stuck? Is a decision that impactful really up to us?

           So it comes down to this,. Are we just going to stay content,. Stuck in our chains, unmotivated and unwilling to find and fight for something better? Trust me my friends what Christ gives is the best, better than any earthly thing I can think of, so much more incredible than any rebellious experience that I have ever had. I mean that honestly and truthfully. You know a few of the things I have experienced, but with my stories you were shown that I have lived the best of both worlds, I have lived out the extent, the very utmost of both lifestyles. I rebelled into oblivion, only to find out that my rebellion wasn’t real, that it only tore down, and messed up, it made so many unnecessary complications in my life and my friends lives. Stuff that no one should ever have to go through, it was like pure torture. Not just the fine’s and the punishment, but what it does to you on the inside, the way it destroys the hearts and the potential of the people in your life.

             It gets to a point where you know you can’t do anything, you deem things hopeless, you deem life hopeless, and your only choice is to watch as your world and your best friends worlds fall apart. It may not get that far, but regardless the good things about you and within you start to disappear, and you start to lose who you really are. You get lost in deceit. What I’ve realized is there is already enough screwed up and hopeless things in this world, that this world lives to tear one another down and the sad thing is that they think it actually  makes them look like they’re on top, they think it makes them look cool. But did you ever stop to think maybe that’s why we live in such a screwed up world? That maybe those ‘cool’ people, the ones who are spending their time tearing others down are the reason that this world is filled with so many messed up things and awful experiences? 
               You guys have got to know by now that the reason some people are filled with so much hatred so devoted to tearing others down is because they hate themselves and they think if they can make others look worse it will make them look better. Because if they tear others down then they’ll be able to take more from them and therefore get more for themselves. They do what they hate and they hate what they do, they lose the power to make something out of their lives and they fall victim to substances, selfishness, lust, and deceit, These things are what make us lose control of our lives. They give us cravings, impulses and desires that we can’t reject, that haunt our thoughts, that tempt us and distract us from doing anything useful or meaningful. They make us lose the capability to build a future because they make it so we can’t even learn from our pasts and they make it so we can’t build ourselves up because we’re too busy getting dragged down by the past, don’t you get it, these things cause us to drag ourselves down, without us even noticing it. They make us lose touch with who we really are and with what we’re really capable of. So many people, get to the point where they just can’t say NO to these things, . They make up all the excuses in the world, but when it comes down to it they’ve lost control, they can’t choose to make something out of their lives, because they’ve lost the capability to choose good and make anything out of their lives period. It gets to the point where your only choice is how much more am I gonna mess my life up today? People can deny this all they want, but they’re only making things harder on themselves

Why make life more complicated than it already is?

          I decided life is already complicated so where is the sense in making it even harder on ourselves, come on, tell me what is the point of that? Because that’s all that life style does, the things it consists of make life straight up complicated. And honestly living with additional complications on top of the ones we already have basically prevents you from getting much of anywhere. You guys have mad potential,. SO USE IT!!!! Don’t be average like everyone else is choosing to be, why try to fit into this mess when you were meant to stand out, meant to be a part of something incredible something mad cool rad beyond belief. You don’t need to be stuck in this constant tribulation, these pointless degrading lifestyles.  be great like I know you can. Because you know it will make your lives the best they can be. Don’t go down into the hopelessness like the rest of this world. Everyone is doing that, everyone seems to be tearing each other down so that they can appear as the best or the coolest. But guess what? 

             They’re all fighting a game that can’t be won. They’re fighting to see who can screw their lives up the most. Seriously do you have any idea how many people are in that competition? How many people think they’re the coolest of cool, that they rule they’re hometown, that they are whats up. It’s a battle of deceit, it’s a competition that can only bring you down, even if you are winning it!!! (if you would like I can give you some personal experiences I’ve had to back this up. For now though I assure you it’s fact) You have got to know your better then that!!! Seriously I think you guys are winners, god thinks you guys are winners. That’s the reason he freed you from your chains. So heres what it comes down to. You can sit there like the rest of this world, so deceived that you still think your chained down and locked up and continue to be the pawn of sin, the sadness we all so badly long to be rid of, or you can run into glory. You can rebel.
                Choose to stand against all the pointless nonsense that is destroying people and their lives. Get creative, do something different, do something worthwhile. You aren’t constrained anymore, your free, you can work together, you can make a difference in so many peoples live. You can change this freaking world! And best of all you can wallow in the uncontainable joy that god gives. That feeling where every part of you screams out with joy because you know that your free, your burdens are got, you can run around and scream praises, your heart is pure, you are filled with goodness and you have more goodness then you can even handle. You can look around and see all of the poor people who think they’re still chained down, who are caught in hopelessness and you can show them that theres so much more. You can share the goodness and the freakishly intense joy that god has poured into you. Gosh he gives us so much of it that it pours out on its own. You can watch them be freed, you can help them be freed!

                 Seriously do you know how meaningful that is? God’s kingdom has no fighting, no quarelling, no hatred, no stealing, no lust, no rape, no murder, no self glorification because all are in glory, because all want to build one another up, cause all love each other and because they truthfully love each other they actually care about each other. They couldn’t bring themselves to rape someone, or to even hurt someone, they couldn’t steal from their neighbor because they would actually care about their neighbor and they want him to have the absolute best, think about it. What if everyone on this planet were fighting to get the best for each other, fighting for one another instead of against one another? How insane would that be?!  And the fact of the matter is that God gave us the wisdom to decipher right from wrong. He put within us the power to tell good from bad, and he expects us to choose what’s good , and when we don’t, we’re gonna be held accountable for it. God gave us wisdom to decipher good and capability to enact it, so why not work toward making these things a reality? If you think about it, the absolute only thing that is holding us back from these dreams becoming a reality is our daily decisions to choose to prevent these things. If we’re so fed up with a messed up world, then why don’t we choose to change it? If we really want a better future and better humanity, then why don’t we use the gifts God gave us to make that way?
                 The only thing that’s preventing heaven on earth is our decision to choose to prevent it from being here. We are the ones who are deeming it impossible by choosing not to pursue it. Why though? Do we not want it? Do we not want to better our lives? Do we not want a better world? Or are we just to lazy to fight for what we want? Let’s change this world as we know it you guys, one person at a time. . Starting with you and I. There’s nothing holding us back but ourselves, and with God the possibilities are endless. Could it be any clearer? “Our old way of life was nailed to the cross with Christ, a decisive end to that sin-miserable life—no longer at sin's every beck and call! What we believe is this: If we get included in Christ's sin-conquering death, we also get included in his life-saving resurrection. We know that when Jesus was raised from the dead it was a signal of the end of death-as-the-end. Never again will death have the last word. When Jesus died, he took sin down with him, but alive he brings God down to us. From now on, think of it this way: Sin speaks a dead language that means nothing to you; God speaks your mother tongue, and you hang on every word. You are dead to sin and alive to God. That's what Jesus did.” (Romans 6:6-11)
            Please do not get me wrong here, I need to make it clear that there are many incredible, kind and wonderful people who don't believe in God. All I am saying is that the sole reason this world is so messed up is because we chose to ignore the teachings of God, and that each and every day we continue to choose to ignore his teachings. Thats why this world is such a messed up place, because we chose to ignore him  and therefore chose for it to be this way. But God is still here willing to tolerate us, he's already given us a solution. It's up to us now though, we can choose to endlessly helplessly work on solving the most complicated equation in existence or we can listen to God who has been whispering the answer in our ears and trying to show us how he came upon the conclusion he did and why his answer is correct ever since our conception. So do we listen, do we even want a solution? Or are we going to ceaselessly attempt to come upon a solution on our own? A solution to an equation that our minds are not capable of comprehending. It seems to me that so many people simply give up on even attempting to find the solution. They may try for a while, but almost always they eventually deem it all as hopeless and give up, .

                And thats because it is hopeless without God!! But that doesn't mean we have to give up; the answer is closer and more simple than we could ever know. Jesus laid out the instructions for us, step by step, instructions so difficult that no human has ever been able to follow them, so drastic, severe, and perplexingly horrifying human has ever even been willing to listen to them, let alone comprehend them. But Jesus listened, he gave up everything he had going for him, just to solve our equation, to solve our problem, our mess. So do we have faith enough to listen to his answer?  Do we have eyes and ears that work? Or do we choose to ignore the things we see and hear, to ignore the reality of what he has done in so many billions of peoples lives. He's given them the answer, . And he wants to give it to you too. So you can stop sitting around wasting your time, wasting your efforts making excuses, concocting ideas, and denying the only answer you have, the only answer we all have. God's love is universal, it's the only thing thats penetrated cultural barriers, thats broken down domestic disputes, that has united the un-unite-able.

           It's global expulsion proves it's universal charicteristics and it's physical, mental, emotional, spiritual healing, has proven it's potential globally. It is our only hope, it is our only answer, and It's here to help us be whole again, to put meaning within us. So are we going to stay on the sidelines, sitting and observing, marveling at the complexity of our creation, consistently consecutively wasting our time trying to figure it out. Or are we going to dive in, choose to really live our lives, and let God make us a part of his enormous masterful equation. It's up to you, live it and love it, let him give you an essential role in it's complexity; or sit back, stuck, never knowing, and never having the capability to figure out how, when, where, or why. Desiring desperately to figure it out, to be a part of the solution; while simultaneously repeditively refusing to be a part of it. A whirlwind of contradiction pulling us into a world of deceit. Incapacitating our ability to see the answer that has been so clearly laid out for us.

The departure note: In compilation it’s quite a profound Phenomenon

Right after the Christian camp, this most random opportunity to travel cross country came into my life. It was incredible because if it weren’t for my miraculous healing than I wouldn’t have been able to go on this vacation either, and if it weren’t for my accident then I wouldn’t have even considered going on this vacation because I would have been working. Plus if I wouldn’t have gone to school all summer then I wouldn’t have been so desperate to take a break, and therefore probably would not have taken this opportunity. In totality it was a most skeptical and last minute decision which God undoubtedly put into my life. On this trip I got to bond with my Grandma and travel from Nevada, to Arizona, to New Mexico, to Texas, to Oklahoma, to Missouri, to Illinois, to Indiana, where I then flew to Minnesota and back home to go to Lake Powell. I got meet like 60 family members that I never even knew existed, and was given a surprise so unexpected that it still comes as a shock today. God wanted me to go on that trip because he had something waiting for me, that was going to even more radically change my life as I knew it. God stuck the most random thing I ever could have imagined, straight into the center of my heart.

               Hands down, God switched up my entire life plan up and I needed to move to Missouri, to some random town that I had spent 1 day in!! I had to drop everything I had ever planned in my life, give up the things that I had laid out for my future, and travel across the United States and the hardest thing about it was that I had no idea why this was necessary, but God showed me that it was. I had such a hard time dropping my plans, giving up my well thought out reasonably plausible safe life, to jump into the unknown. It seemed impractical in every sense, and I was therefore left helplessly indecisive on the topics as to what to do and where to go. I prayed constantly, and my prayers brought me answers, first God showed me that if I were to move out to Missouri that I could reach out to countless rebels and youth who were volunteering for tornado relief. I could help them see why they were volunteering and how great it really was of them and how meaningful their efforts were. Second God gave me 2 friends, and for some reason it’s a lot easier to move halfway across the continent when you have at least 1 friend where you’re going. But I still thought it entirely unreasonable to give up assured success for an unknown mess. However the thought of moving out to Missouri would not leave my mind, and day by day God helped me to see the benefits of that wild decision. After a few days it became a complete split, I was broken down the middle and I had no idea where to go. All I could do was pray, and the prayer was a powerful one, I know, for it was answered the next day. “Father God I have no idea where to go, or what to do, but I know you have my future planned out and I just pray God that you open the door that you want me to go through and the you close the door that you do not. Because no man can open a door that you close, and no man can close a door that you open.” The next day God closed the door that I had personally planned out, and simultaneously the offer to move across the country opened and stood assured and strong.

              God willed me to the town of Joplin Missouri to help be a part of his plan in bringing forth revival to a town utterly drained of hope by the Biggest Tornado ever recorded in History. Although it seemed rather impractical and was so incredibly difficult to drop all of my plans and seek the unknown I knew that I had to do it.  I knew that that even though I couldn’t see it that God knew what was best for me, and that I was just gonna have to trust him on this one, and I did it. I spent 2 of the craziest months of my life doing mission work in Joplin Missouri and now God has brought me half way around the world to the country of Finland for 5 months. HAHA What?!!?  That one decision just to let him do what was best in my life, has had a ripple affect and it’s blessed me in more ways than I can even recollect. That decision to trust in God is the essential pedestal, it’s the decision that signals to God, okay I’m ready, do what you want father, let your will be done, no matter what that means for me, I trust you. Although making a decision like that is one of the hardest things we can bring ourselves to do, I know personally that it’s worth it, and I know that it was one of the best decisions I have ever made, and that it has brought me where I am today. God does some crazy things you guys, I don’t know how all of these incredible things came about, but I know it was his doing, and I also know that I’m not the only one who he does things like this for!! I know you guys have to envy that, but you shouldn’t, because God will make things like that and so much more go down in your life. Seriously this is just the start of it all!
             When I share God’s word with you guys, it’s because I know that god has a freaking crazy plan for each of you, and If you guys knew what it was, you’d be fighting so hard to follow him. But If you guys aren’t going to fight for that plan, then I’m gonna fight for you, because you deserve it, and god wants to give it all to you. That’s what the bible is, it’s a book of gods promises and a guideline on how to get them. It’s worth it you guys, and seriously think about it, everything of value in this life is stuff that we have to work for, if we want a house, or car, or laptop, we gotta work for it, it takes discipline. Everything of value takes discipline, and what God has to give you is the most valuable thing in existence. It is the one thing in this world the one and only sole thing that was made to make your life fulfilled, to complete who you are, and to truthfully satisfy your soul so you need not seek any longer. Of course its going to take discipline to get it, or to even start to see it, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not worth it! It’s the most valuable freaking thing in your existence, made specifically to fit you! I know you guys aren’t scared of a challenge, but with that being said, why then are you scared to show a little discipline to fight toward earning the #1 most valuable thing for you? The one and only thing which can make you feel full by making your life fulfilled.

            That accident I told you all about, messed me up, it was so hard, it thrashed my life in every way, but through my accident god did so unbelievably much!!! It’s freaking crazy guys!! If your going through something hard, lift it to him, and be patient. Cause if you have faith, he will give you whats best. Sometimes we ask for things that will straight screw our lives up, and sometimes we don’t even ask for them, they just sort of come our way, and then we latch onto them, or accept them as a part of our life. Then we get angry at god when our lives are difficult or when god doesn’t give us the things we want, or answer our prayers. But trust me, even if you don’t see God answer your prayers, please have patience my friends, because I promise you that he hears your every prayer, your every thought actually. It’s just that god actually cares about you, and because of that he is not going to answer a prayer by giving you something that’s only going to screw your life up. You may beg for something, and get angry when you don’t see the answer to it, but I promise if ever a prayer is not answered it is because you are praying for something that is not meant to be, something that may seem right, but if it were to happen or come to be it would just cause additional unnecessary trials in your life.

even though it was the absolute most destructive and horrible thing that I ever could have imagggined for myyyself  and I felt like I lost all of the things I had been working for: I had to move out of my apartment and back in with my parents, I had to quit my three jobs, and I almost had to drop my classes which would have made my entire semesters worth of work pointless. I was working so that I could pay for school and my apartment, and I was studying so that I could make it through life successfully. So much work that I couldn’t even allow myself to pretend like I had a life, and after that accident it looked like the past 6 months and maybe even year of my work was going to be for nothing. But I knew that that accident happened for a reason and I had faith that god would show me the reasons. Throughout time he did and he is continuing to do so. Because of my accident I went to school all summer, because of my accident I got a 4.0. GPA, because of the perserverance god gave after my accident I got great letters of recommendation, and because of that I get to move to Finland and study abroad tomorrow!!! because I was stuck in Utah After my accident I was able to go to Camp Sawtooth and there God showed me my passion in life, reaching out in hopes that you guys will open your hearts and save yourselves from so many unnecessary trials by deciding not to make the same tempting and daunting mistakes that I did.
God showed me a lot about myself at that camp, and what I learned there is still applying to my life in the most miraculous ways right now. In a sense God showed me a fraction of the path he has prepped me for at that camp. .Anyway because I was forced to move back in with my parents I started going to my hometown church American fork Presbyterian again, because of the timing of my reappearance at the church I was able to partake in making a worship band at the church, because god somehow miraculously allowed me to be in the accappella choir at the University of Utah with individual voice lessons right before my accident and, there I learned that I could actually sing. As I waited in faith, for god to work things out, he did, and trust me it was hard to wait and it shook me up, but god came through, and he made all of these miracles happen through what he did too!!! All of these miracles wouldn’t have been in my life if I wouldn’t have let him put them there, If I wouldn’t have decided to let him put my life back together and if I would have kept at rebuilding my life selfishly in my own way, the previous way I had done throughout my whole life.

The mission in Joplin rebuilding civilization after annihilation from the Biggest Tornado ever recorded in History

 Seriously you guys he’s been rocking my world, Because I took  classes all summer I was a semester ahead which allowed me to move out to Joplin, where I was staying in a church where 200 people came through every week, I met friends from every state, I got to reach out to youth groups that came through, I helped orchestrate work projects and I slave labored so hard for the lord and learned so much while doing so that I could seriously probably pull off being a professional carpenter now. Haha were talking 70 hours a week of volunteer labor, no pay, just sweat and blood, it was hard, it kind of sucked at first. But as I complained and Brought it to god, he taught me, and showed me why things had to be the way they were and why we worked so hard, and what we were fighting for. HE started paying me with freaking miracles! Miracle after miracle you guys,. Haha it was so insane that for the first time in my life I wrote a journal, cause I didn’t want to risk losing all those memories, haha I ended up with 48 pages of unexplainable miraculous acts of god. All I can say is take it to god you guys. Don’t doubt!!!!!!!! Do not doubt, if that’s all your doing, then your never gonna see God at work. Your gonna be just like I was after my accident, helpless, broken, incapable, and empty. NOT EVEN WILLING TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THE VERY FACT THAT I WAS ALIVE WAS A FREAKING MIRACLE FROM GOD HIMSELF. I should have died on that slope, but he saved my life, with 3 miracles I can hardly fathom. And still even then I doubted, because I was focused on all that I had lost. But when I began to grow back my trust in god, and as he continued to show me that he was there I finally handed it over, I finally was able to look up, and see all of the crazy incredible things that he was doing. When I did that I let him into my life, and I let him start doing those things for me, and because of that my life is a living miracle. So why not look up you guys??

The absolute best that living life for yourself can bring you is an occasional moment that you want to hold on to. The utmost worst that living life for god can bring you is a challenge, challenges that if fulfilled will bring countless moments that are so miraculous that you honestly will not be able to let go of them. (M.J. Heil)
Story Written: By God
Story struggled through: By Michael John Heil

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